Almost Imagined (Silk Creek)

Almost Imagined (Silk Creek)

At the edge of the gorge, I squelch my lamp

and stare into an absence, or what appears

to be absence. Darkness, uniformly black,

featureless. Slowly, imperceptibly, individual

trees appear. Beside, behind,

a forest takes shape and deepens, one tree

at a time. The gash of gorge lightens

until a faint swath of creek materializes,

almost imaginary. But loud.

Branches become visible. Then: an owl

In the maple beside me. Twinned moons

shine gold from the disc of its face.

I have nothing to add but a shiver.

Mary Stebbins

From the Silk Creek Retreat.

This poem appears in the current (Summer 2005) issue of Avocet, A Journal of Nature Poems. Please send your poems, too.

Silk Creek (aka Skaneateles Creek) 

Trees carried by Silk Creek at its height and left along the banks. Photo by Mary Stebbins 

Blog vs. Review

There has been some concern among the readers about the difference between Silk Creek Review and Silk Creek Portal. The Review is a "serious" literary "Journal" and the blog is, well, a blog. A web log where editors and readers can write their thoughts and comments about nature and nature-related subjects, Silk Creek Review as a Zine, and about writing, poetry, prose, photography and so on. It's a dialogue. Or would be, if you'd send stuff or comment. You can also post new or previously published poems, nonfiction pieces about nature, book reviews, nature-related fiction, and so on. Did I answer well enough yet? If not, please rearticulate your questions. Mary

PS: This is NOT "my" blog. It is for ALL of us. I have my own blog(s)!

PPS: please do NOT make me beg. I hate all that groveling. Write away.

Dames Rocket with Ferns at Silk Creek, photo by Mary Stebbins. 

Solitude and Loneliness

Solitude is essential to the soul, perhaps even more deeply to the soul of the writer and artist. Solitude is healing. Nature is one of my favorite places to seek solitude, for in nature is not only the healing of solitude itself, but the healing of a silence imbued with birdsong and wind. Silk Creek is a breathtaking spot to seek solitude with its deep gorge and isolated woodlands. I not only look forward to the annual Silk Creek Retreat, but also to my own mini retreats and walks there.

Solitude can be a balm for loneliness, like singing the blues. I rarely feel as lonely in the woods as I do in the company of people. Especially strangers. Bridging that gap is difficult for me.

My solitude is a more contented and relaxed solitude now than it has been for years because I know I have love waiting for me when I return.

Mary

14 June 05

Crossing the Creek

Crossing the Creek

Scott, at Silk Creek, photo by Mary Stebbins.

Lonely and Alone

I don’t know if alone and loneliness always go together. Or if a person experiences it almost always at the same time. I know I have been alone for quite some time now, but the loneliness just creeps in every now and then. Just every once in a while. And I don’t know if everyone do it by choice or is it just a consequence that they cannot run away from. I know my being alone is a choice I made but it is also a result of something that I had to get away from.

I thought I was happier being alone. But then somehow, somewhere along the road, someone comes along. And when you thought you will be alone no longer, then all so suddenly, the loneliness sets in. And again by choice. Or is it? I thought that this is something I can be good at by now, but no. I suppose the human nature of wanting happiness in life is something that I always have in me. I love life, and more so if I am spending it with someone. I believe I have so much love in me that I wouldn’t want it wasted on just myself. The kind of love you don’t give your children, your family. It’s the kind of love you would want shared with someone. Both physical and emotion-filled. I guess not being able to find that someone somehow brings in the loneliness. To be able to cope with it is good, but I still think it is not the situation I would like to be in for the rest of my life. I have always wanted to grow old with someone. I am independent in that I can take care of myself, but to care for someone, not necessarily to be cared for, is something I look for in life.

But I guess not everyone that I ran into this lifetime wants the same thing as I do. I don’t know if I am just vulnerable or plain stupid. But I don’t mind getting hurt. I know it’s all part of it. I think people who don’t want to love or be showered by it, are just afraid to get hurt in the end. And just wouldn’t want to go through that hurt process, because if they try to avoid it, they have certainly experienced it before. But it skips my human mind (which I want to believe is not shallow altogether) why they are afraid to do it again and not hope for something better that might come out of it. Is it cowardice or just plain selfishness? Or is it a lifelong vengeance of some sort? For all the past hurts? For all the scars of the past? Aren’t we all supposed to live life above those? To continue this lifetime just as how God has planned it for us? He was the One who gave it, I don’t think He would want it to be lived otherwise than a happy and fulfilled one. A life full of love. Happiness.

Which brings me back to where and what I have right now. Lonely and alone. Well, I guess I have to snap back to reality and do something about being alone and lonely. Go on with life. Aspire for happiness. And if I find it, hold on tightly, but dearly, to it.

peacorpus

14 june 2005

Scott in the Rain!

Silk Creek Review Editor, Scott Carter, in sudden thunderstorm at Silk Creek, photos by Mary Stebbins

Detail of rain on Scott

Detail of rain on Scott (It was pouring!)

Snail at Silk Creek!

Snail at Silk Creek, photo by Mary Stebbins